Incredible India

"Incredible India :PM doesn't spk.Yeddy doesn't listen.Krunanidhi does'nt see.Mayawati doesn't care.Kalmadi doesn't remember.

Filmi Heroine

Ek din kisi heroine se milne producer aya..
Usne Ghar ke main hall me mataji ko paya..
jukh kar kiya namaste bola charan kaha hai lao..
paisa laya hu mataji baby ko jald bulao..

Mata ji boli..
kya bakta hai ullu ki dum, kya chadha rahi hai deshi.
beti ko bole mataji, najar chamgadag jaisi..
Bhauchakka ho gaya producer, bhed tab samajh aaya...
Bola sorry, makeup na tha isiliye pehchan na paya..

Kathni aur karni me antar

Golu aur padhai me thi bahut purani jung..
Golu ki jad buddhi se tha har master dang
Ek din master ne khunnas me daga ek sawal..
Kathni karni me antar ka do udaharn lal..
Golu ne apna dimag ka band pitara khola..
teacher ki or dekh kar sharmate hue bola..
Ji teacher ji is sawal ke ap hi hai jawab..
Kathni karni me antar ki sahi mishal hai aap..
Uniform me aane ka ham par hukm chalate ho..
Khud kapde badal badal kar hero ban kar aate ho...

husband and wife

Wife: Darling jab tum apna chasma utarte ho to bilkul usi handsom ladke ki tarah lagte ho jisse mein 20 sal pehle shadi ki thi..

Husband: Sahi kah rahi ho.. wakai Jab mein chasma utarta hu to tum bhi usi beautiful ladki ki tarah lagti ho jisse meine 20 sal pehle shadi ki thi.. 

Golu and Pravachan

Golu guruji ke pravachna sun kar aya aur ate hi apni biwi ko god mei utha liya ..
Patni boli : kya guru ji ne romance karne ke liye kaha hai...
Golu: Nahi pagli ...unhone kaha hai ki apne dukh khud uthao..

Kise uthayega

Ek dost doosre dost se : Man le tujhe raste mein 50 ka aur 100 ka note milega to tu kise uthayega.. ?
Doosra dost: isme poochne wali kya bat hai 100 ka hi uthaunga.. :)
Pehla Dost: Yeh kar di na bewakufo wali bat.. Dono note bhi to utha sakta hai na.. :P

Biwi ne bacha liya

Golu: Yar kal meri bus mein jeb kat gayi.... lekin meri biwi ne mujhe lutne se bacha liya..
Molu: Kyu, kya bhabhi ne jeb katre ko daboch liya..!!
Golu: Are nahi yar.. usne subah hi purse se sare paise nikal liye the.. !!

Neend nahi aati

Neend aati hai to khaab aata hai
khaab mein ek ladki aati hai,
ladki ke piche uska baap aata hai
phir na neend aati hai na khaab aata hai.

happy friendship day

किस हद तक जाना है ये कौन जानता है,

किस मंजिल को पाना है ये कौन जानता है,

दोस्ती के दो पल जी भर के जी लो,

किस रोज़ बिछड जाना है ये कौन जानता है


happy friendship day

Sab waqt ka pher hai

सब वक्त का फेर है न तुम गलत न मैं सही
वक्त बदला तुम बदले तो हम भी बदल गए.
तुम्हे भुलाना इतना भी मुश्किल न था
यादों की खुराक कड़वी थी दुनियादारी के पानी से निगल गए.
तय तो बहुत कुछ था पर हो न सका
जाना कहीं और था कहीं और निकल गए

Guooonn, Guooonn

Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. 


Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time. He tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." 


He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. So he now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". 


After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn." 

Urine Test

Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything. 

So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" 

The first one replied, "I came here for blood test" 

Second one asked," So? Are you afraid?" 

First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this, the second one started crying. 

The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" 

The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."

Three Engines

 Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city,
the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." 


Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." 


An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." 


A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

Golu, Doctor and Key

Golu: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?Golu: 3 Months Ago
Dr: Wat were u doing till now?Golu: We were using duplicate key
Dr: So why did you come today?Golu: We lost the duplicate key!!

Golu in Airplane

Golu in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay .... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Golu: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay" 

Golu During interview

Golu attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Golu: If U give me the address I will go there sir.  :) 

Shayri

Door se woh salaam kar gaye

apni yadon ka hume gulam kar gaye.

Apni zindagi girwi rakh kar khareed tha jise

Aaj wo hi hume nilam kar gaye..

Isse pehle ki rat ho

Isse pehle ki rat ho jaye..
kyon na ek mulakat ho jaye.
Ek SMS hi kar do
jis se shor bhi na ho aur bat bhi ho jaye..

Modern Love

Laila majnu ke kisse purane ho gaye..
Pyar, ishq, mohabbat afsane ho gaye...
Aaj har romeo ke paas kayi juliet hain
aur har shama ke kayi parwane ho gaye...

love letter VS Exam paper..

Love Ltr: Hazaro khyal jinhe shabdo mein nahi likh pate..
Exam paper: hazaro shand likhne padte hai jo khyalo mein bhi nahi ate,..

Zindagi ki sachchai

Zindagi ki Sabse badi sachchai..
Kabristan ke bahar board par likha tha..

"Manjil to meri yahi thi,bus zindagi guzar gayi meri, yahan aate aate.."

Golu n teacher

Prinicipal :Late kyu aye ho..
Golu: Sir Bike kharab ho gayi thi..
Principal:bus mein nahi aa sakte the kya?
Golu: Sir meine bola tha par apki beti nahi mani... :) :P

2 ya 4 admi

Bap bete se: beta sharab mat pina warna wahan jo 2 admi ja rahe hai
4 dikhenge..
Beta: par papa wahan to ek hi admi hain...

killer PJ

Height of Bad Luck...
A boy n grl met last time for their breakup..
Girl's father caught them, n now they r married couple...

killer PJ

India is nation and dadar is station .. wah wah..
India is nation and dadar is station .. wah wah..

Don't fall in luv , first complete ur education..

santa and shopkeeper

Santa ne shampoo kharida
Santa: iske sath jo gift hai do..
shopkeeper: iske sath gift nahi hai..
Santa: Jhoot ispe likha hai "Dandruff FREE"..

Bachpan ka jamana

Bachpan ka jamana hota tha, khushiyon ka khajana hota tha..
Chahat chand ko pane ki, dil titli ka diwana hota tha..

Khabar na thi kuchh subah ki, Na shamo ka thikana hota tha..
Thak har ke school se aana, par khelne bhi jana hota tha..

Dadi ki kahani hoti thi, pariyon ka fasana hota tha..
Barish mein kagaj ki kashti thi, Har mausam suhana hota tha..

har khel mein sathi hote the, har rishta nibhana hota tha..
papa ki wo daant galti par, aur mummy ka manana hota tha..

Gam ki juban na hoti thi, Na jakhmo ka paimana hota tha..
Rone ki wajah na hoti thi, na hasne ka bahan hota tha..

Ab nahi rahi woh zindagi jaisa bachpan ka jamana hota tha..

Daru chhuda dijiye

शराबी : हे भगवान! क्या आप मेरी दारू छुड़वा सकते हो?
भगवान : हां-हां, क्यों नहीं!
शराबी : तो थाने में पुलिस ने मेरी पांच बोतलें जब्त कर रखी हैं, आप उन्हें छुडा दीजिए

Mistakes on a resume

Note: Please don't misinterpret my 14 jobs as "job-hopping". I have never quit a job.

Reasons for leaving the last Job:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."

Speacial Request:
 "Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"My goal is to be a aerospace scientist. But since I have no training in aerospace, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

Only GOD can understand us !!!!!!!!

Swarg k dwar pe 3 log khade the....

God : Sirf 1 hi andar ja sakta hai....

1st : Main Brahmin hu, sari umar aapki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera hak hai.... Bhagwan Kuch Nahi bole

2nd : Main Doctor hu, sari umar logo ki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera haq hai..... Bhagwan Kuch Nahi bole

3rd : Main sari umar Private Company mein kam kiya hai.... .......

Bhagwan Bole :Bus......... aage kuch mat bol.... Rulaayega kya pagle..? Andar aa ja......... Tere forwarded mails, follow-ups, promotion nahi milne ka wo 6 saal, month end, quarter end, year ends me woh night shifts, data nahi milne se doosra departments se panga, CTC se zaada deductions, raat me ghar jane ka lafda , family ko na time dene ki frustrations, boss se meetings, delivery dates, week ends mein kaam etc etc. mere ko senti kar diya re..aja jaldi andar aja.....

Similarity

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"


Golu: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

Sardar-Bihari

A Bihari waswaiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in.

The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke.

Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'.

He starts the jokes with, "Once there was a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"

Detective Job

Three men were applying for the same job as a detective.

One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.

When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?"
The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.

When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.

Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying," Could I have some time to think about it?"
The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow."

When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview?”
Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.

Wash Basin

Once Golu goes to a hotel and eats heartily.
After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.

The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"

To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".

Chintu - Ma kehti hai bhains ka doodh pine se dimag tez hota hai...
Mintu - Ma bewakuf banati hai... Agar aisa hota to bhains ka baccha SCIENTIST nahi ban jata .. [:)]

Self insult

An Angry Boss-Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?


Employee(sar jhuka ke)-Nahi Sir :(

Boss-Niche kya Dekh rahe ho Idiot? Meri Taraf Dekho ;-)

Most profitble business

Golu: Iss mahine meine bahut shopping ki.. Car laptop Iphone.. etc..
Molu: Yar tumhare papa ka business kya hai...
Golu: Pyaaz bechne ka...