Guooonn, Guooonn

Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. 


Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time. He tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." 


He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. So he now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". 


After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn." 

Urine Test

Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything. 

So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" 

The first one replied, "I came here for blood test" 

Second one asked," So? Are you afraid?" 

First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this, the second one started crying. 

The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" 

The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."

Three Engines

 Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city,
the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." 


Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." 


An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." 


A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

Only GOD can understand us !!!!!!!!

Swarg k dwar pe 3 log khade the....

God : Sirf 1 hi andar ja sakta hai....

1st : Main Brahmin hu, sari umar aapki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera hak hai.... Bhagwan Kuch Nahi bole

2nd : Main Doctor hu, sari umar logo ki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera haq hai..... Bhagwan Kuch Nahi bole

3rd : Main sari umar Private Company mein kam kiya hai.... .......

Bhagwan Bole :Bus......... aage kuch mat bol.... Rulaayega kya pagle..? Andar aa ja......... Tere forwarded mails, follow-ups, promotion nahi milne ka wo 6 saal, month end, quarter end, year ends me woh night shifts, data nahi milne se doosra departments se panga, CTC se zaada deductions, raat me ghar jane ka lafda , family ko na time dene ki frustrations, boss se meetings, delivery dates, week ends mein kaam etc etc. mere ko senti kar diya re..aja jaldi andar aja.....

Shadi ka asar

abhi shaadi ka pehla hi saal tha,
khushi ke maare mera bura haal tha,

khushiyaan kuch yoon umad rahin thi,
ki sambhale nahi sambhal rahi thi,
subah subah madam ka chai le kar aana
thoda sharmate hue hume need se jagana,
wo pyaar bhara hath humare ballon main phirana,
muskurate hue kehna ki darling chai to pi lo,
jaldi se ready ho jao, aap ko office bhi hai jana.
gharwali bhagwan ka roop le kar aayi thi,
dil or dimag par poori tarah chai thi,
saans bhi lete thy to naam usi ka hota tha,
ik pal bhi door jeena dushwar hota tha.
 

5 saal baad…….

subah subah madam ka chai le kar aana,
table par rakh kar jor se chilana,
aaj office jao to munna ko
school chodte hue jana…………..
ek baar phir wohi awaaj ayi,
kya baat hai abhi tak chodi nahi charpai,

agar munna late ho gaya to dekh lena,
munna ki teachers ko phir khud hi sambhaal lena.
na jane gharwali kaisa roop le kar aayi thi,
dil aur dimaag par kali ghata chai thi,
sans bhi lete hai to uni ka khayal hota hai,
har samay jehan main ek hi sawal hota hai,
kya kabhi wo din lot ke ayenge,
hum ek bar phir kuwaaren ban payenge

Bachelors life ka utha lo ab to MAJA!
Warna pata nahi Kab shadi ban jaye ek SAJA !!!

letter from a sardarji mother to his son at school ...

Pyaarey Puttar,
Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow because I
know you can't read fast. We don't live where we
did when you left home. Your dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles
from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to
give you the address as the last sardar who stayed
in this house took the numbers with them for their
next house, so they wouldnt have to change their
address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing
machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week
I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I
HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.

Love letter by a brilliant maths student

A Love letter by a brilliant maths student to his GF..
My sweet 'straight line', yesterday I was passing by ur 'rectangular' house in
'trigonometric' lane ..
There my eyes with 'positive slope' felt 'orthogonally' on ur cute 'circular' face', 'canonical nose' & 'spherical' eyes.
Before seeing u my heart was a 'null set', but when a 'vector' from ur eyes at deviation of
'theta radians' made a 'tangent' to my heart, I got differentiated.
My luv 4 u is 'quadratic eqn' with 'real roots'.  Now you can only 'integrate' me back to my life..  with my love 'tending to infinity' Hence proved..

bapu ne bola hai..

"Agar koi tumhari salary na increase kare, tumhe promotion na de,

tum kam karte raho....

sirf kam hi nehi zada kam karo......

Promotion ki ummed na karo.......

Dekhna, Uski aatma ek din jaroor jaagegi.

Aur vo tumhe salary hike aur promotion zaroor dega"

Aur agar fir bhi koi salary hike aur promotion nahi mile,

To uske paas jana, use ek Guldasta dena.... aur kehna.......

I am resigning; others will also do the same

if u don’t ,,,,,

GET  WELL SOON  MAMU

Funny Definitions in today's world

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes

Interview

Interviewer: Let me check your word Power...
PopatRao : Ok Sir ......
Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of .....good.
PopatRao: hmmmm..... Bad
Interviewer : Come
PopatRao: Go.
Interviewer : Ugly.
PopatRao: Pichlli.
Interviewer : PICHLLIIIII?
PopatRao: UGLYYYYYYYYY..
Interviewer : Shut Up.
PopatRao: Keep Talking.
Interviewer Ok now stop these all..
PopatRao: now carry on this all
Interviewer :abe...chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaaaa
PopatRao:abe bolta rah..bolta rah..bolta rahhh
Interviewer :Areeee yaaar
PopatRao: areeee dushmannnnnn
Interviewer : Get Out.
PopatRao: Come In.
Interviewer : Oh my God.
PopatRao : Oh my Devil.
Interviewer : U r Rejected.
PopatRao: I m selected...Thank u thank u sir

A Wednesday--- Rephrased for a Software Engineer

***All of you who have seen the movie ‘A Wednesday’... ***

Commissioner Rathore : kaun ho tum..??? kya pehcan hai tumhari ?

Unkonwn Caller : Kaun hoon mein...mein vo hu jo aaj commintment karne se darta hai, Mein vo hoon jo aaj ghar jaane se darta ha, ye soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchanne se inkar na kar de...

mein vo hoon jo, aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se na nikal de..

mein vo hoon jiski girlfriend usse friday ko dus bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? " mera haal poochne ke liye ya kaam poochne ke liye nahi, rathore saab... balki vo ye jaanaa chahti hai ki... kahin hamesha ki tarah end moment pe boss ke bulane pe mein saturday ki date cancel to nahi kar raha...

mein vo hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. vo bhi time mil jae to...

mein vo hoon jo aksar phasta hain kabhi Interviews ke sawaal mey phasta hai , kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal mey phasta hai, kabhi boss aur client ke bawaal mey fasta hai.

Project aur office ki bheed to dekhi hogi aapne rathore saab... us bheed mein se koi bhi chehra chun lijie.. mein vo hoon.. I'm the same old ..*STUPID ENGINEER*.... [:-)] [;)]  [:)]

Secrets behind successful marriages

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"
Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

X asked, "Can you explain?"
Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"

Y said," Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

X asked, "Then what is your role?"
Y said," My decisions are only for very big issues. Like, whether Musharraff should stay in the power or not, whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc etc.

Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

some questions

American President Mr. Bu** went to a school to interact with the children.
After having a brief talk with them, he asked if they had any questions to ask him.
 

One boy raised his hand and stood up:
   Bush: What is your name?
   John: John
   Bush: What is your question?
   John: Sir, I have 3 questions

1. Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?

2. Where is Osama?

3. Why does America support Pakistan so much?

   Bush: You are an intelligent student, John.       (Just then the bell rang for recess)
   Bush: Oh dear students, we will continue after the recess.

 After the recess:
   Bush: OK children, where were we? Oh yes … So anybody wants to ask any question?

Jimmy raises his hand
   Bush: What is your name?
   Jimmy: Jimmy
   Bush: What is your question?
   Jimmy: Sir, I have 5 questions

1. Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?

2. Where is Osama?

3. Why does America support Pakistan so much?

4. Why did recess bell ring 15 minutes before the scheduled time?

5. AND where is John?

Goat and Tiger

One day a goat with her small child went into forest for food. Unfortunately

They forget their way back to home and struck in the forest at the night. A Big lion came

And saw the goat and her child . The goat took her child nearer to her and

Thought that lion will definitely eat both of them. Lion came nearer to them and

Put his hands on the child and pampered her and told that "No fear My Dear. I don't have

Any sisters so now onwards you are my sister and I am your brother". And he gave chocolates biscuits to the child and ask goat to come to his room with his husband for lunch

And also ask her to celebrate rakshabandhan with him and gave her his visiting card

And he promised the goat that "tell me if any one attack you or threaten you". And he

Left the place.

Finally the goat got surprised and told her child....

...

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

...

..

..

..

..

"I think Elections are coming"

Software Gita

:HEY PARTH ........

Increment nahin mila, bura hua

Salary cut ho rahi hai, bura ho raha hai

Retrenchment hoga, wo bhi bura hi hoga...

Tum pichhla review na hone ka paschataap na karo

Tum agle review na hone ki chinta na karo

Recession chal raha hai...

Tumhari pocket se kya gaya jo tum rote ho ?

Tum company ke liye kya business laye the jo tumne kho diya ?

Tumne aisa kaun sa product banaya tha jo scrap hogaya ?

Tum koi experience le kar nahin aaye the...

Jo experience liya company se liya...

Jo project kiya company ko diya...

Degree le kar aaye, experience lekar chale...

Jo function aaj tumhara hai,

Kal kisi aur ka tha... parson kisi aur ka hoga...

Tum isse apna samajh kar magn ho rahe ho

Bas yahi khushi tumhari tension ka karran hai...

Kyon wyarth tension lete ho, kis se wyarth darte ho

Kaun tumhein nikaal sakta hai ?

Policy change company ka rule hai

Jise tum policy Change kehte ho, Wahi to trick hai...

Ek pal mein tum million

Indian Titanic

If the Titanic was made in India..

1) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship

2) There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a white saree and of course
singing in the rain

3) The movie would be called "Pyar Kiya To Marna Kya"

4) Hero and Heroine would float in cold water for days and still survive,
but the villian would die in the first dip

5) The iceberg would be sent by the heroine's father to teach the hero a
lesson

6) None of the women would float due to heavy designer sarees.

And last but not in least

7) Half of the rescue boats would be reserve for "SC/ST/OBC" ....

Parrot and mango

A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks ... 'Aam hai kya?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bechte.'
Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him ...'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets a little irritated and says... 'Aare Bola na, Hum 'Aam nahi Bechte'
On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him 'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets wild and yells ...'Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to tumhare sar ke upar hathoda marunga '

The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..'hathoda hai kya?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi'
The parrot then asks ... 'Aam hai kya ?'
The next day parrot again goes to shopkeeper and asks "Aam hai kya??"
The shopkeeper is ready now....
He quickly pulls a hammer and hitz the parrot on the face.
The parrot looses all his teeth
But determined, parrot again goes 2 the shopkeeper next day n asks

Scroll Down





"AAM KA JUICE HAI KYA???"-

Helicoptor Story !

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position.The pilot saw a tall building, flew towards it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign in large letters - "WHERE AM I?"

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, found his directions, and flew to Seattle airport safely.

The co-pilot asked "How did you manage to find your way?".
Pilot said "I knew that tall building had to be MICROSOFT, because they gave me an answer that was technically correct but completely useless"

Who is the BEST ( Funny Jokes )

Who is the BEST - Infosys, Wipro or TCS? One day, three consultants, one from Wipro, one from Infosys and one from TCS, went out for a walk. "Why don't we prove who is the best among ourselves?" Why not, said the other two. The Infosian said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm". Being a pure logical strategist, the person from TCS tried to make the monkey Laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still. As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures... No good, the monkey stayed put. Now, comes the Infosian. Being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out laughing at him. The other two were astonished. So the Wipro guy said "OK, let's take another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!" So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The TCS guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed again. Then, the Infosian again whispered something into the monkey's ear and oh! It started crying, patting the Infosian's shoulder! The other two just could not believe their eyes! So the tcs guy said "OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run". And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was.. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey- still No go. So...here comes Infosian, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The Monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death! The other two surrendered. They Said: "OK, we give up. You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret," they begged him. "Well", said the Infosian , "The first time I made it laugh, I told I work for Infosys . The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid ...so it started crying. And then I told that I was here for recruitment !!!"

Imagine ur self in a Sprite Ad

Your Colleague: Hey!! Kya yahan baitha mail forward karta rahta hai yaar !!

Naye equipments dekh....

Naye projects seekh.....

Fatafat datasheets kar......

Overtime kar after 6:00.... like me....!

Do something gooood man !!

You : Achha! To usse Kya hoga ..

Your Colleague: Impression!!! Appraisal !!!

Har appraisal main tu No 1!

Hike in salary !! Extra Stocks

You: Phir kya hoga...

Your Colleague : Engineer ban jaayega..Phir Lead Engineer !!!

Phir Senior Manager!! One day U will be a

Director of the Company man !!

You : Acchha to phir kya hoga...

Your Colleague : Abe phir tu aish karega! Koi kaam nahin karna padega !

Araam se office aayega aur MAIL check karega.


You : To ab main kya kar raha hoon????

"Dikhawe pe na jao, apni akal lagao.

Hard Work hai waste, trust only copy-paste "